Every one of us, who has ever collected action figures, knows that there are always some real duds in a toy line. Usually, these figures are of characters that were either part of the story or were the single female character obligating them into the line. Sometimes these figures either gave us another alien or a goon for the hero to pound on. Unbelievably, many of these figures have been made more than twice! There is no shame in being a completist, but let’s face it, these are the "5 Most Horrible Action Figures Ever (So Far)"!
MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE - STINKOR
Let us start with a real turd, literally, Stinkor the Evil Master of Odors from the Masters of the Universe series literally stunk. If you ever got this guy for your birthday, Christmas or whatever you quickly realized what a mistake it was. A Stinkor once came across my path and he instantly gave me a headache and made my hands reek. Whoever at Mattel thought a giant walking skunk would make great toy should seriously have had their head examined. Even Stinkor’s own body armor looked as if he had some sort of breathing apparatus so he didn’t have to smell his own stink.
SUPERPOWERS - GOLDEN PHARAOH
Growing up when Saturday morning cartoons actually meant something I witnessed some of the best animation and stories to date. The SuperPowers was a great window into a more modern Justice League than their early incarnations, the SuperFriends. The action figures alone were out of this world and each had a special actionability. Like all companies, Kenner got greedy and started making new characters that weren’t part of the DC Universe. The Golden Pharaoh was such a character. Imagine its Christmas morning, you are tearing through your gifts hoping that Aunt Tina got you Superman or even Firestorm. You pull away from the paper and see The Golden Pharaoh. A quick double take, your best fake smile to Aunt Tina and you are moving on to your next gift. All the while thinking about who is The Golden Pharaoh? For shame Kenner, at least you could have made the Blue Beetle or a Superboy figure instead.
STAR WARS - R5D4
Now I love Star Wars, but their line is probably now almost impossible to collect if you are anyone other than Steven Sansweet. Some of their variants have always left me dumbfounded. In particular, how many Darth Vaders do we really need? The worst figure in the line isn’t Aunt Beru or even the original Snaggletooth. By far R5-D4 has to be the worst figure in the entire Star Wars collection. He is on screen for all of a minute and then self-destructs. I couldn’t think of a worst figure to give a kid then this one. What astounds me is that they keep making different versions of him and have even included him in the 12-inch line. Why? At least he once had his own adventure in a “Star Wars Tales” #1 where it was revealed that he was a self-aware Jedi named Skippy. You might not have known that, but it still doesn’t make him any cooler.
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA - THE BORAY
When Battlestar Galactica premiered back in 1978 they capitalized on the Star Wars insanity and fan thirst for more science fiction. Jumping on the marketing bandwagon Mattel put out their own action figure line for the TV show. There were Cylons, Starbuck, and a Boray. The Boray were a pig-faced alien species that Apollo encounters during the “Lost Warrior” episode. With all the great characters on that show (Apollo, Boomer, Cassiopeia, even Col. Tigh) Mattel chose to make a walking pig guy. The only thing Boray and his club ever did that was worthwhile was populate my Star Wars Cantina.
STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE - LT. ILIA
Finally, the worst figure on our list of horrible action figures has to be Lt. Ilia from Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Not only did she chew up precious screen time, but she inadvertently dies and then becomes a messenger for VEGER. She was essential to the story, but as action figures go, not really. What stories could you act out with Lt. Ilia? She became host to a super alien intelligence and then merged with a man to become a beam of light. As Star Trek figures go I would have rather had two Admiral Kirks and have them fight each other (which did happen more than once) than have gotten Lt. Ilia at all.
Now we here at Action Figures Junkies would like to hear from you. Who makes your list of horrible action figures?